Chuck Closterman
(various)

The mass media causes sexual misdirection: It prompts us to need something deeper than what we want.

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
[6]

Everybody is wrong about everything, just about all the time.

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
[14]

Unless they die before the age of thirty-three, nobody's entire career matters, and we all unconsciously understand this.

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
[44]

[Billy] Joel's best work always sounds like unsuccessful suicide attempts.

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
[49]

Pamela Anderson is the perfect sexual icon because she wants to have sex. You think that makes her dumb? Well, maybe you're right. But how smart are you while you're having sex? What part of sex is "intellectual"? Certainly none of the good parts

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
[83]

Life is rarely about what happened; it's about what we think happened.

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
[103]

Everyone knows that the Internet is changing our lives, mostly because someone in the media has uttered that exact phrase every single day since 1993.

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
[110]

We all like to talk about how the Internet is such a groundbreaking educational tool, but we're missing what it can teach us about ourselves. Porn sites are the windows to the modern soul, they're glimpses into the twisted minds of a faceless society.... net porn is the collective conscious. It's where we all see the things people would never admit to wanting.

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
[112]

Teenagers claim they want to be cool, but they mostly just want to avoid being uncool.

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
[122]

[on what qualifies something as being cool:] A cool image needs to be semielitist, but it can't be wholly elitist: What you display should be extremely hard to find, yet could have been theoretically found by absolutely anyone six months ago (had they possessed the foresight).

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
[123]

I would watch Saved by the Bell the same way all high school kids watch morning television, which is to say I stared at it with the same thoughtless intensity I displayed when watching the dryer. I watched it because it was on TV, which is generally the driving force behind why most people watch any program... Consumers don't demand it to be good. It just needs to be watchable.

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
[138]

Everything is 50-50. Either something will happen, or it will not.... The future has no memory... there is no sliding scale for maybe. Maybe something will happen or maybe it won't. That's all there is.

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
[148]

... science fiction tends to be philosophy for stupid people.

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
[165]

[media pundits] All their political insights are unabashed political propaganda, even when they happen to be right: They sometimes tell the truth, but they're always subtracting facts... They are paid to manipulate and simplify issues that are too complex for casual observers to understand independently. What makes them good columnists is their ability to present a version of truth that somehow seems self-evident; they are urbane cult leaders.

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
[209]

Most of the time, political columnists and political commentators are trying to persuade you not to think critically about anything.

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
[210]

People despise paragraphs. Focus groups have proven this.

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
[214]

... good intentions can't compete with bad policy...

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
[216]

... people attend Evergreen [State College] in order to avoid attending life.

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
[224]

... as we ... lowered our shields of enforced morality ...

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
[227]

I was far more interesting—and probably smarter, in a way—when I refused to recognize the existence of the color gray in my black-and-white universe. When I was twenty-one, I was adamantly anti-abortion and anti-death penalty; these were very clear ideas to me... now I have no feelings about either issue... Somehow they don't even seem important. But that's what happens when you start to understand that most things cannot be emotively understood: You're able to make better conversation over snifters of brandy, but you become an unfeeling idiot.

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
[234]

I have looked directly into the eyes of a woman I loved and told her lies for no reason, except that those lies would allow me to continue having sex with another woman I care about less. This act did not kill 20 million Russian peasants, but it might be more "diabolical" in a literal sense. If I dies and found out was going to hell and Stalin was in heaven, I would not the irony, but I really couldn't complain. I don't make the fucking rules.

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
[239]

I was struck by [a] frightening realization: These are not publicists.. These are just everyday people, and they are some of the people I am trying to understand reality alongside. . .
We don't have a fucking chance.

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
[171-72]

It is the apex of that whole "we man are magnificent bastards" movement that began in roughly 1992—I think Tim Allen probably spawned it—and it suggests that true guys can only like beer and football and pork ribs and strippers. Now granted—these are things that many men genuinely adores—but not in the rote, unilaterally Sasquatchian manner this kind of shtick always implies.

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
[74-75]

[on Morrissey] the soul of a man who is tirelessly romantic, yet perpetually unloved.

IV: A Decade of Curious and Dangerous Ideas
[51]

The fact that [Sid Vicious] could not do something correctly—yet still do it significantly—is all that anyone needs to know about punk rock.

Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story
[5]

If you find sex unsatisfying, you need something to take its place. You need a problem. Nancy was a good problem for Sid. Heroin was also a good problem for Sid. The only problem is that good problems are still problems.

Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story
[7]

I tend to equate sadness with intelligence.

Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story
[20]

[People telling you about their dreams] is a way for people to be honest without telling the truth.

Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story
[84]

... Whenever people argue over the "importance of rock criticism"—they are not arguing about rock criticism. They are arguing about the definition of the word important.

Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story
[92]

...saved...from the evils of knowledge

Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story
[101]

[Those rules] make me think you're either a moron or a guy who's trying way too heard to create a persona fro himself.

Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story
[119]

Graceland... Is the religiosity of garbage culture... it makes our society look stupid.

Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story
[122]

... That is the problem that has always been between us: Lenore wants me to be a slightly different person than who I actually am, and I can't force myself to care about the things that are important to her.

Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story
[169]

...we're holding hands, but it doesn't feel like the kind of organic hand-holding that makes people secure.

Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story
[172]

I will never understand why I need to write about the events that other people merely experience.

Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story
[173]

Anger makes people honest.

Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story
[191]

It's like looking down from heaven and watching all the mortals majoring in philosophy.

Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story
[203]

Cobain didn't really live under any bridge; he just said he did to be cool—which is a totally acceptable thing to do, considering what Kurt did for a living. He was a rock star. Being cool was more or less his whole job.

Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story
[230]

the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real—but you create the context. And context is everything. ...For the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.

Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story
[232]

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